March 6th - Scowler Penguin

The Scowler Penguin is 18 feet tall and has the highest density of any living thing on Earth. Eats icebergs. Consumes one every month. Could be a metaphor for global warming.

March 5th - Snatch Monkey

The Snatch Monkey shares traits with some scorpions and many pirates, note the hooks for hands and even tip of tail. A high swinging danger with an eye for treasure!

March 4th - The Fluorescent Grey

This bird is mangey and depressed. And its beak is too big.

March 3rd - Stabbing Stinging Sticker

The Stabbing Stinging Sticker is a queen wasp found in the dense jungles of Borneo, eats orangutans and small white rhinos.

March 2nd - Rubix Chameleon

A small monster, this one has the traits of a chameleon and can morph into any arrangement of colour. Will consume real rubix cube so it can take its place, much like a cuckoo with eggs in another birds nest.

March 1st - Purple Pube Monster

The purple pube monster crawls from drains in swimming pool changing rooms when enough stray pubic hairs have clustered. The chlorine from the pool is behind the strange purple hue. Changes size dramatically depending on amount of hair that clusters.

National Pride

National Pride sits uneasily with me. It is the petrol that fuels many a backward hatred of a neighbouring country or the energy to hold onto pointless out dated traditions. What I mean is that for the majority of those who assume some ferocious pride in their country the only connection they have with that country is that it provided the ground on which the building was built that their mother lay in as she expelled them into the world. Convoluted, huh?

The arena where national pride comes into an interesting focus for me is football support. When I see old pro's from the England team talking about pride in the shirt I can't help but thinking of the old saying about being able to choose your friends and not your family. Relationships that you find and develop in life are often fraught with more passion and take hard work to graft into something meaningful. On the other hand, the default relationships i.e. your immediate family, are obviously the most enduring and best link to your past. So the support I have for my club of choice mirrors the bond with friends and the support for my country symbolises the family bond?

That would suggest that I am devoted to my friends and follow every little detail and in turn take my family for granted, only checking in when there's something big on the horizon. This is eerily accurate. I trawl the transfer rumour pages for any subtle hints of who Liverpool might be interested in. Whereas Ireland on the other hand could qualify for the World Cup and I couldn't give a crap, (if they reached the final I might tune in for the second half of extra time, if it happened).