Chinese Bret from Flight of the Conchords

TOP 20 SONGS O' THE DECADE

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine
Single Ladies - Beyonce
Ayo Technology - Milow
Razor - Foo Fighters
99 Problems - Jay Z
Grounds for Divorce - Elbow
Night Train - Amos Lee
Galvanise - Chemical Brothers
More News from Nowhere - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Still D.R.E. - Dr.Dre
Music Sounds Better with you - Stardust
Me Gustas Tu - Manu Chao
Fans - Kings of Leon
Don't Panic - Coldplay
The Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice
Flashing Lights - Kanye West
Warning - Green Day
Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys
Butterfly - CrazyTown
Mad World - Michael Andrews & Gary Jules

(in no particuliar order, it was hard enough narrowing it down)

Hugh Grant plays.........Hugh Grant......again.

Over the festive season I have noticed many films featuring Hugh Grant on the television. All films have different plots, concern different characters involved in unique scenarios yet one thing I always notice is the recurrence of the Hugh Grant character. He is an integral character in EVERY storyline, yet he plays EXACTLY the same character EVERY time. It reminds me of the Marvel DC comicbook crossovers where Batman can appear with Wolverine. One character is dropped into the world of another to see what consequences will ensue. This is done with Hugh Grant in EVERY SINGLE FILM. The directors of these films must think like this: Okay, I've gotten my script finalised, it's a promising premise with engaging characters who develop at a recognisable pace for the audience. Now, lets drop Hugh Grant into the middle of my carefully constructed world like a lead crate from a crane. Yes that'll do nicely. Here's some prominent Hugh Grant film posters. He portrays the same character so much that the poster artists just decided to use the same press shot of him for every one.





His trend caught on, with Colin Firth pulling a carbon copy. He could fill in for Hugh in any of his films, clumsy British gentleman. Infact....

Possessed Shopping Trolley

Emily Bronte

Merry Christmas!

Pimped Red Capes and the Effect they have on modern world leaders: A Study

A noted factor in the downfall of a growing number of World Leaders is the 'Pimped Red Cape'. More and more we see the detrimental effect it has on those who deem themselves powerful and confident enough to wear one. I will now use photographic evidence to prove that the appearance of a red cape in one's wardrobe indicates a severe fall from grace in the near future. See images below.



Hitler: Began to believe his own press. Absolute power was not as easy to maintain as he had previously thought. Most historians maintain that his downfall started at the exact moment he put on the red cape.



Mao: This guy probably actually had a red cape.



Saddam: Saddam was just minding his own business, living in a palace where he and his sons tortured and murdered and pillaged and did whatever THE FUCK they wanted. All was groovy until one day he decides to don a cape to show off just how crocodile shit cool he was. Guess what? BAM! Four hours later he's face down in a dingey desert hole with a haggerd shitty beard and the American Army using him as a punch/arrest bag.



Bush: He just seemed to outgrow those britches his daddy left him. When they got too snug he splashed out a new piece of attire, that's right, a bloodred cape. Thirteen minutes later a full presidential election takes place and he's out on his ass. Harsh.



Tetsuo: One minute you're some psychokinetic human nuclear bomb strutting round turning people to bloody mush by just blinking, next thing you get a red cape and you're hand mutates into a verucose vein monster baby with mouths all over it, and then I think you turn into the beginning of a new universe. Or maybe not. The film confused me.



Kim Jong Il: Has only recently gotten his red cape. What does the world hold for Kim? Who the fuck cares, look at the state of his family. They all have the same face.



Brian Cowen: Brian aquired his red cape when he took over from Bertie Ahern as the leader of Ireland. Since then? Recession, biblical floods, strikes. What the hell will happen next? Godzilla? Zombie Outbreak? Zombie Godzilla Outbreak? Maybe he'll just keep his job. Then we're fucked.



Obama: I hear he's checking them out. I'll keep you posted.

Titanic: From the Icebergs Perspective, Episode 1

It helps if you listen to the soundtrack to Koyanisqaatsi when you read this.

X Factor vid

New X Factor vid can be seen here.

Piss Ice Cube

My sister the Master Ninja Study Expert

I just want to let you know that my sister is a study expert. Imagine a master ninja but in leaving cert study terms. That level of zen concentration, focus and flat out mad skillz BUT not in the field of stealth assassination, no no no, in the field of study. I may be giving away the secret of her study skills here but I'm pretty sure it consists of telling everyone you're going to get up early to study and then just watching Gok Wan on the telly. See below for diagram of 'Extreme Master Ninja study skills'.

Extreme Ninja study skills in action

Here's a list of other people who subscribe to my sisters method of super ninja intense study.



Trashcan Paddy: Trashcan Paddy graduated from the Master Ninja Study School in 73 and hasn't looked back since. He spreads his free time between licking windows and rummaging through things people dont want.



Honest Joe: Joe is an honest guy. Just look at his pic, he knows what he wants in life, beer, pot and a hooker. What? Just one hooker? Good man Joe. I see the 'Master Ninja Study Programme' worked wonders for you too.


Flipthebird Frank: Despite showing early promise as a Jack Nicholson tribute act the 'Master Ninja Study Programme' took over and the early mornings of lazing around in a ridiculous pink bathrobe watching Gok Wan marked Frank as one to watch. Currently trying to melt his own frozen piss that has attached him to his resident park bench.

Gok Wan? I think you need a telly to watch that...

Good Timing Bertie

Poor Brian Cowen, just after taking over from Bertie he has had to deal with biblical floods, an assfuck of a recession, strikes and a plethora of other things. I think I speak for the majority when I say GOOD TIMING BERTIE!

Irish Rain

Ireland has seen an extended equivalent of the Ice Age known as the 'Rain Age'.

X Factor video

For my X-Factor video click here.

Cathal Brugha: Irish Titan

Here's to you Cathal Brugha!

My sisters drawing

My sister is 20. She drew this. I am completely serious. She has no apparent mental disability. Apparently this represents me surfing, my father out fishing and Jade (my sister) 'bringing the lunches'. She declined to expand on where or to what she was 'bringing the lunches'. And she's sliding down something, is it a slide? No, it is not a slide, it is 'the road'. And my father seems to have caught one of those readily available in reality 'megaphone fish'. Jade is 20. And not retarded.

Discover Ireland!

Why not visit Ireland? We have sheep, rain and begrudgery! It's not for everyone but we like it!

My sister got her jaw fixed (finally)

HA HA

Thoughts of the Day

Purpose: Sympathise with Tetsuo from the comic/film Akira. It'd be shitty if your hand started to mutate and evolve while the rest of your body stayed the same for a while, especially after you'd just gotten your pimped red cape.

Stuff, by Dan

I like my Macbook.

Why? Because I'm shallow. It looks fucking COOL

Merry Boktor Triglav Fhesht 09!

Well, another year is near past us and once again we make our humble preparations for BOKTOR TRIGLAV FHESHT. In cowering fear of Triglav, our Goat headed Slavic deity we tearfully place our names in the hat dreading the eventuality that would see our name be plucked from amidst all the others. If this does happen, we will, of course, be flung atop the end of year celebration pyre just before Triglavs latest request is met with a gnashing of teeth and moans of crippling emotional pain. For this years request see below.



Yes, once again, for the thirthy fourth year in succession Triglav has demanded a large percentage of our fair teenage girls be sacrificed to him to sate his lust. If your daughter has been chosen take the next two weeks to bid your farewells and give them any advice that you think may prove beneficial to a teenage girl living in the eternal sky fortress harem of a goat headed blood thirsty warrior deity.

Once again, MERRY BOKTOR TRIGLAV FHESHT everyone!

Tesco Night Staff = Zombies?????

Growing tired of my late nights out on the mean streets pretending to be one half of an inter racial cop duo I recently took a walk around Tesco at 2 in the morning to buy some mashed potato salad. The zombies were very cordial in helping me find what I needed, they even took time out from cracking a still warm dead mans head open and feasting on the goo inside to point me in the direction of the Fruit & Veg section. But still, zombies? Come on, there's gotta be some laws restricting their employment right? But in their defence, they had the mess cleaned up by the time I was fiddling with the self service check out. One of them even helped me find the barcode on my potato salad. Nice guy. The zombies late night help enabled me to act out the rest of my inter racial cop duo roleplay. The mean streets were once again safe.

Logos for Sale

My name is Derek. I am a Graphic Designer. I have been trained extensively in the bevel and emboss functions of Adobe Photoshop. Using my brain I realised that beer is very popular in the world today, at this time. Therefore, somebody will need a beer logo sooner or later. I have designed four logos that represent beer.

Logos

Price: $450
1. This logo is for beer.


Price: $500
1. This logo is for beer. I used some font in it. I don't like using fonts. It has been bevelled and embossed hence the pricetag.



Price: $450
1. This logo is for beer. I wanted to show the joy beer brings so I put a picture of joy in the logo. I have not used font here.


Price: $400
1. This logo is for beer. I realise now the word is spelt wrong so I have given a large concession in the price. The picture is of many beers.

Please contact me at
theblastedfrench@gmail.com
if you would like to buy any of my logos seen above.

Thank you, Derek

The good design folks at Fish in the Sea got back to me as regards purchasing a beer logo.

7 Dec, 2009 Logos for sale

Hi Derek,

Your training has clearly paid off. If I had drunk less beer at the weekend, I would have been interested in Logo 2. Unfortunately I drank a lot -
I do think that there is scope for your designs in other complimentary markets too - feel free to offer them with your others and see how far you get? We're always pleased to help ;-)






7 Dec, 2009 Re: Logos for sale

Thank you for your kind interest.

If you are interested in Logo 2 then I advise you to get an offer to me as soon as possible. Understandably it has had a flurry of interest since I emailed it around. Prices start at £400 sterling. It is an exciting propostion that smart people such as yourself should be interested in. I can design other logos for you if you have any logo needs. Bevelling and Embossing are included in all prices. I am currently busy redesigning Unicef's new logo and have been contacted by my friend Thomas the abortionist to redesign his corporate identity with particuliar attention given to Bevelling and Embossing.

Kindest regards,

Derek

p.s.

After seeing the logos you attached I would like to express an interest in becoming your logo design partner. We could overcome all obstacles like an inter racial cop duo.

Hoping you are a member of an ethnic minority,

Derek

7 Dec, 2009
Ethnic Minority

Hi Derek,

I'm an ethnic minority, and I'm an amateur of emboss. Love your beer logos!!!

Regards,

Tina Wei



8 Dec, 2009
Ethnic Minority

Sorry I spelled beer wrong,

Regards,

Tina Wei



9 Dec, 2009 Re: Ethnic Minority

Tina,

It is absolutely great that you are an ethnic minority and want to enter into a design venture with me. I feel we have established a deep bond over our flowering love of the Bevel & Emboss function. I have attached a concept for our inter racial design firm. If you have any misgivings, now is the time to mention them as I will not go into business with someone harbouring deep seated concerns that might emerge in the future to disastrous results. I am serious about my design. If you could email me an in depth financial forecast for our projected first years net profits I would be satisfied.

Inter racial regards,

Derek
(the 'Tom Waits' of graphic design)

ps. you can be whomever you like in the photo. i had thought about calling dibs on the happy looking man but you can be him if you so wish. I won't hold it against you.